Approaching Women


Walk up and say Hi.

Start up a general conversation about where you’re at and see how she reacts.

If she keeps eye contact and is pleasant, continue on and ask her out; if she is avoiding eye contact and being short with what she says, move on.

Just be confident (not cocky) when you approach and smile.

You have to do the hard part of playing it by ear and just approaching them, saying Hi, and talking to them in a very confident and non-confrontational manner … Just be confident, if you are, it doesn’t matter what you say.

Guys don’t realize how much most women think about things like exit routes.

If you corner or trap women in some way, they will feel frightened, not receptive.

I know 90% of guys don’t mean to do this, and that kind of thing doesn’t even occur to them … And if you’re wondering why women worry about things like that, it is because they’ve been cornered and harassed or groped, or know someone who has, and there is literally no way to know if you are going to do something like that until you do it.

So just, before you approach a stranger woman, look at her possible escape routes.

Make sure you have the woman’s attention. I don’t know how many times a guy will just walk up beside me and talk. Not even have eye contact and expect her to be like “oh yes I was totally just paying attention to what you said and it was probably awesome.”

Most importantly, looking through this, it’s obvious that different women want different things; while I would prefer a guy who seems slightly shy/nervous and doesn’t compliment her, other women want compliments and confidence.

So if you approach one woman and she’s not feeling what you’re putting out there, that doesn’t mean that you have to change your approach — you just have to find someone that likes it, and then you’ll probably be a better fit in the long run anyway.

Feeling uncomfortable around others is one of the most common problems people have to contend with.

There is a subcategory of such people who specifically have great difficulty communicating with members of the opposite sex.

They have a fear of failure: a fear that members of the opposite sex will reject them.

 Although women suffer from approach anxiety, it is much more common with men.

What I noticed …approach also is caused by a few limiting relationship beliefs.

 Men with approach anxiety sometimes have a few negative experiences.

 Each man had slightly different beliefs about what women wanted that they were lacking.

In other words, whatever qualities they thought they lacked, they assumed women required in a man.

There is a solution

Despite the large number of beliefs (and some conditionings) that can cause approach anxiety, the number that any given person with this problem has is about the same as people with other common problems.

Thus it is possible to eliminate one’s approach anxiety relatively quickly and easily by eliminating all the beliefs and conditionings that cause it, just like you can eliminate a general fear of rejection, social anxiety, and a fear of speaking in public.

Want to add word or two?

What Not To Do

You are somewhere outside. It could be anywhere, the streets, the underground… but for the sake of argument, let’s say you in a more appropriate setting for approaching women.

The first step is an intrusion. It’s not always verbal.

Sometimes they stand there, occupying the space next to woman, looking, knowing it’s going to stop the conversation.

Woman will enjoy pretending they’re not there for a while.

But of course, eventually, they’ll turn their head, raise an eyebrow, all the while wearing a fake smile they won’t miss and ask ‘Yes?’.

If women are lucky, they’ll at least say something funny or interesting. Most of the times, they won’t though. They’ll be taken aback because this approach isn’t starting well.

Your comment ….?

Some guys approach girls at really bad times when they are not at all in a receptive mood.

When they’re on their way somewhere, when they’re trying to study, or when they’ve just gotten through a difficult experience, some guys will come right at them and have no clue about how it’s a really bad time to approach.

Guys try to not be creepy by saying they’re not a creep, but it just makes them seem worse. They then continue to over-explain themselves when they really don’t need to.

A good way to approach someone is to be honest about your intentions. 

Are you really approaching this woman because you like her hair or are you trying to ask her out?

Failure to be transparent makes women uneasy and less receptive.

Be clear on what you want.

If you’re approaching a woman for the first time, make a good first impression.

Avoid physical touch, swearing, insults, long stares at the wrong pairs of eyes, or interruptions.

Approaching women is not a huge deal.

There are a lot of women out there. Getting rejected isn’t a big deal either. It’s not the end of the world if someone tells you “no”.

My interpretation of all those issues is as follows: men think of flirting as a way to get from a ‘No’ to a ‘Yes’.That’s why they’ll ignore any negative sign, any small rejection, until you make it so obvious that they can’t ignore it.

The thing is, men feel like this is the normal way to do things, this is what they’re supposed to do. And they’re not exactly wrong, it’s been a big way we talk about seduction.

This is why they’ll be taken aback by women

Where do we go from here?

Well, the first thing men should do is stop thinking of seduction this way. First off, because this is problematic.

Very much so. I’m reminded of Jessica Jones’ answer to ‘I don’t take no for an answer’: ‘How ropey of you’. Thinking a ‘no’ isn’t in fact a ‘no’ equates to you knowing better a woman’s mind than she does.

When you’re deciding to ignore a woman’s refusal, it means you think you know better.

Most of the male coaching sites and communities out there will give you this sort of advice and will present women in this way.

They’ll say you need to show confidence (arrogance) and show women what they ‘really’ want. But this view deprives women and it leads to harassment, predatory behaviour, and sometimes, yes, to rape.

If approach isn’t a ‘no to yes’ trajectory, how might woman picture it?

Well, when flirting, my approach has more or less been pretty basic: showing interest to invite to do the same, and trying to assess reciprocity.

If reciprocity is confirmed, go for it.

My aim is never to try to get a woman that doesn’t want her

If he doesn’t want her, why should she want him to still have a relationship with her?

What’s the point of that?

If you get no response whatsoever, drop it before it gets awkward. It’s more of an ‘unknown to yes’ trajectory. You don’t know, you try to assess if it’s a yes, and if it is, you’re golden. ( got it made).

Author: Dayal R