Putting Effort into the Relationship


A guy gives his woman too much power in the relationship and allows himself to be walked all over by her because he fears getting dumped if he doesn’t let her get her way.

Recognize each other’s whole state, both qualities and flaws.

On the flip side, another guy doesn’t allow his woman to have any power or say because he fears getting cheated on or dumped if he doesn’t control her.

In both cases, the guy is acting out of fear and that’s not the way to have an easy, enjoyable relationship with a woman.

That’s going to cause a relationship to be stressful and frustrating.

In the first example, where a guy is letting a woman walk all over him and doing whatever she wants to do and giving her all the power, that’s going to be very frustrating for him because no matter what he does for her, it’s never going to be enough.

She’s never going to truly respect him, feel attracted to him and be in love with him.

Instead, she will see him as a bit of an annoyance, a burden and as someone that she’s with, but isn’t quite sure about.

She is turned off by him, she is frustrated around him and she may or may not know why.

In cases like that, a guy’s biggest fear is getting dumped or cheated on and that’s what usually ends up happening to him because his woman just doesn’t feel like she’s in love with him.

She can’t respect him and she doesn’t feel enough attraction for him, so it usually ends with her cheating on him or dumping him.

With the other example, some guys go to the other extreme, where they don’t give their woman any power and they walk all over her.

The guy doesn’t allow her to have any say, he tries to control her, he is very jealous and protective because he’s worried that she might cheat on him or leave him if he lets her out of his sight.

In cases like that, the woman feels smothered by his neediness and turned off by his insecurity.

She doesn’t respect him.

She doesn’t feel attracted to him and she can’t remain in love with him.

So, if you want to make a relationship with a woman easy and enjoyable, you have to let go of your fear.

You have to let go of the fear of potentially being left or cheated on, because if you focus on being left or cheated on, it will change your behavior in a negative way.

You will start worrying about things that you don’t need to worry about.

You will stop behaving in ways that are uncharacteristic of you (e.g. cool, laid back, easygoing, relaxed), or you may become jealous, controlling, needy and so on.

Behaving in those ways isn’t attractive to women and only pushes them away.

If you want to attract a woman to you and keep her with you, then you have to let go of your fear.

You have to know that you are good enough for her and know that you and her are becoming an increasingly better couple over time, so there is no reason for her to leave you.

Yet, how can you become an increasingly better couple over time?

How can you make her feel increasingly attracted to you?

How can you make her feel like she doesn’t want to leave you?

Well, it’s definitely not about doing more and more for her.

It’s definitely not about putting loads of work to the relationship.

That is a frustrating, stressful way to approach relationships.

You do not have to do that.

When a relationship first starts out and a couple is falling in love, having sex and enjoying each other’s company, a guy will usually feel confident about his position in the woman’s life.

He will look at her and say that she wants to be with him.

He will feel confident about that and as a result, he’ll be enjoying the relationship.

Yet, somewhere along the line, the woman may begin to test him by pulling back some interest and seeing how he reacts.

Does he become insecure?

Does he start sucking up to her and try to get her to show love to him the way she used to by doing more and more for her?

Does he fall into that trap, or does he understand that the way to get a woman to fall more and more in love with him isn’t about doing more and more for her?

Instead, it’s about bringing out her good girl side, making her want to be good to him, making her respect him, treat him well, be affectionate, be attentive and more importantly, for her to enjoy doing that.

Want to add word or two? 

A common phrase that some people say when referring to their relationship and how they’ve managed to make it work and keep it together is “Hard work…a lot of hard work. Relationships are hard work. You have to put in loads of hard work.”

For them, that is true because they’re using an ineffective approach.

For example: A guy takes his woman’s tantrums too seriously.

He takes her tests too seriously.

She starts testing his confidence by being a little bit difficult at times and he takes it too seriously.

He takes it personally.

He gets annoyed with her.

He gets into arguments with her.

Your comment ….?  

When a woman creates unnecessary drama in the relationship and a man gets involved in that and then starts to worry about experiencing that type of drama again, his relationship can become a lot of hard work.

He can get in to the habit of trying to not set her off; by tiptoeing around her and making sure that he’s saying all the right things, behaving in all the right ways to hopefully ensure that she doesn’t start creating any drama.

He’s afraid of that in a way.

He doesn’t want to have to experience that because it could result in her not want to have sex with him.

It could result in her saying that she’s not going to cook anymore, or that she’s not going to clean and so on.

He doesn’t want to annoy or like that.

Therefore, his relationship becomes a lot of hard work because he’s taking her drama and her tests too seriously.

Turning sex into something that you’re getting from her, gradually makes her stop wanting it

What often happens for a lot of guys, is that their woman is initially interested in sex when the relationship begins and maybe for the first couple of years, but after that, she gradually starts to lose interest in sex and essentially doesn’t want it anymore.

Either that or she just doesn’t initiate.

She seems like she could take it or leave it.

Who cares?

It’s just sex.

That happens when the guy creates a dynamic where it seems like sex is about him getting something from her.

He wants to have sex with her because he wants to feel good, he wants to be close with her, he wants to experience that.

It’s all about what he wants from her.

Now, if you think about that in a pick-up scenario when a guy trying to pick-up woman; he’s trying to hopefully pick the woman up.

He’s trying to get her to like him to hopefully get somewhere.

How does that work out for guys when they’re using that approach with a woman?

The woman feels like she is the more valuable one and if she gives this guy a chance, she’s essentially going to be doing him a favor.

She doesn’t feel like he is the more valuable one and she would be lucky to get with him.

The same fundamental principle applies in a relationship.